Alone

Is this my faith??

Sometimes, i feel that it's unfair for me.

I have a dream and my dream is just simple. No, i don't dream about a fancy car or a palace.

My dream is simple that i can manage my own family. In the same roof, same house, same city, same island.

But, it's just a fairytail for me.

I can only cry to reach that dream.

While the others can have it without strugling.

When i go to sleep, I can only imagine my husband is laying next to me.

When i go shopping, i can only imagine that we're shopping together.

When i need to see the doctor, i can only look at another people with their partners and i sit by myself, alone, waiting the doctor to come.

I have to do the radiology test all alone, wait for the result alone, and go home alone in the night along with the pain inside my womb.

What's the point of your marriage if you have to do all these things alone??

I feel dead inside

Have you ever felt dead inside??

Maybe, that's what i feel now.

It looks like that i'm strong, but honestly i'm not.

I just pretend to be strong.

I just pretend that i'm okay, while actually i'm not.

I really want to be happy. But i think as time goes by and i'm getting older i find it's difficult for me to feel joy and happy. Because, problems come and go and sometimes they stay.

Only time can answer whether my problems finally could be solved or not or whether i have another option.

I don't know what will make me happy. Do you know? Tell me if you do.

What do you love the best? Is it the city or me?

What do you need the most? Is it the city or me?

Are you happy with me??

Are you happy for what you are now and for your condition right now?

I feel dead inside. As time goes by and you're not with me.

I feel dead inside. As time goes by and i couldn't see your face.

I feel dead inside. As time goes by and there is a time when there is no call or chat from you.

I feel dead inside. As time goes by and we're busy for what we're doing everyday without saying hello to each other.

I feel dead inside. It has been more than a year.

I only have love, but now i feel dead inside. Will you make me feel alive again?